#vegasstrong

In light of Sunday night's events, I have had a lot weighing on my mind. You see, I am a native Californian but now call the beautiful city of Las Vegas, Nevada my home. This is where I live, I work in a hotel/casino, this is where my friends are, and where both my husband and son were born. Las Vegas is my city, and we are hurt and grieving from this tragic event. Fifty nine people lost their lives, and some 500+ sustained physical injuries. Sadly, we expect the number of deaths to rise in the coming weeks when the stress from injury and surgeries may become too much for some. Though some may only be focused on the physical injuries, the mental scars the concert goers, first responders, and the entire city of Las Vegas feel may be far worse. I can only speak for myself when I say that I feel a sense of unease walking through the casino to get to my office at work. Events such as these truly prove without a doubt that no matter how well you believe you know someone, you never know what's going on in their head or what they are fully capable of. Walking past each and every stranger as I make my way through the casino, I can't help but wonder if any of these people are as evil as the man that took those 59 lives and scarred hundreds more.

A lot of my friends have said they don't want to have kids. They don't want to bring a child into such a messed up world. Believe me, this is not the world I wanted for my son. And yes, this world is messed up and there is so much evil and negativity. But I have to believe that my child will be some much needed good in the world. Maybe my son will be the one to change the world. Just because things aren't rosy and perfect, doesn't mean you can't improve it. I think every mother wants to shelter and protect their child from all of the bad out there and keep them safe. It's just a motherly instinct regardless of species. Bears, dogs, cats, even some fish all protect their young from predators and possible threats. But eventually your children grow up and they have to confront all that you've sheltered them from. Honestly, I had hoped that a lot of the evil in the world would have been conquered before my children were born. Unfortunately it seems as though the opposite is occurring. Evil is breeding and multiplying and making it more difficult to raise children without becoming a helicopter parent. I remember from the time I was 8 years old on through high school, I walked to and from school. Granted, I was born in 1983 and those were different times than the present, but present day parents have to live in fear for their children every single day. Will anything happen to my child today that I could have prevented?

It's a sad thing to think that I may not be here to see my child grow up because of a sick or disturbed person, but it's an unfortunate reality. I sat in my car before heading into work and texted my husband with tears running down my cheeks:

"If anything ever happens to me and I'm not here anymore, I hope you know how much I loved you and Bash. Just make sure he knows how much his mama loved him. And when it's time for you to move on and find someone else, just make sure she's a good mama to Bash too."

I never thought I'd have to say these things or have these thoughts, but the sick, sad, twisted, messed up world we live in today has made these thoughts a reality. And not just for me and my family, but for so many American citizens across the nation. Earlier this year my husband was trying to make his way into law enforcement. First in corrections, and then as a Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Officer. Fortunately, he was not chosen after all and he was able to find another job that he truly enjoys. Although the pay and benefits would have been great for our family and I could have been a stay-at-home-mom with our son, Sunday's events made me grateful he wasn't chosen and did not enter the LVMPD Academy.

In the end, all we can do is be the best parents we can be while we are here. Instill morals and integrity in our children and hope for a better future. In the mean time, my city mourns and begins the healing process.

We are Vegas. We are strong.