No more Toothless

I catch myself constantly having to remind myself that my son is 7.5 months old now and that the tiny little newborn that I brought home from the NICU is now a big boy with one heck of a personality already. I look at clothes that are his size and almost always think to myself "No way that will fit him, it's too big!" but then I end up buying it anyway with the intention to let him grow into it, and realize when I get home that it actually fits him and I should have gone up a size! It's awesome and heartbreaking at the same time to know that my baby won't be a baby much longer. He's rolling over and scooting across the floors. He's trying so hard to crawl, but his arms wont cooperate with his legs yet so he's only got the back end on board, though I know that as soon as the light bulb turns on and he gets the coordination, my life as I know it will be over and I'll be chasing him for the rest of my life. Not only that, but he just cut his first tooth Monday night. He is no longer my little "Toothless" and this realization literally brought tears to my eyes. He's trying to mimic words and sounds we make, he's reaching for me when he wants to be picked up, he holds on to me when I hold him and rests his beautiful little head on my chest or shoulder. He's such a smart little boy and I thank my lucky stars for every single moment with this tiny human my husband and I created. Even with all of the screaming, the spit up, the dirty diapers, and sleepless days/nights, I savor every single second with him because they go so incredibly fast. 

I keep telling a co-worker of mine who's pregnant with her first child (a little girl) the same things everyone told me when I was pregnant. "It goes by in the blink of an eye!" "You'll miss being pregnant one day!" and both statements are absolutely true in my case. It feels like we just brought him home, it's almost like "when did our kid get so big?!" and I still catch myself rubbing my belly every once in a while. Realistically, Sebastian kicked and punched the hell out of me and it was uncomfortable and at times painful. But there is something in me that wishes I could feel it again. I guess that the underlying bitterness I'm still dealing with because I missed out on the last two months of pregnancy due to his early delivery. I'm not sure if I'll ever get completely over that. My entire hospital staff assured me that it wasn't my fault my water broke at 32 weeks, and in my heart I know it wasn't my fault and I actually blame my employer and the hostile/stressful environment I work in for causing my early labor. Nothing I can do now of course and no way to prove it, but perhaps that's why I've become so bitter and angry toward my employer since my return. But anyway, I'm getting side tracked. 

The point of today is that time marches on whether you want it to or not. Kids grow up, parents get older, life moves on and the best you can do is just embrace it and hang on because life can be a bumpy ride.